The Hottest Christmas Gifts For The Weirdest Person In Your Life

Christmas is typically a joyous time of year except when it’s time to shop for the weirdos in your life.

Weirdos are hard to shop for most of the stuff they desire can seem bizarre, wacky or downright kooky to more normal types.

Shopping for a weird person seems strange, but it doesn’t have to be daunting. Not with HuffPost Weird News.

Here are 34 bizarre gifts that are sure to please the kooks in your life no matter who they are.

Trust us: When it comes to weirdo, we know what we’re talking about.

Tipsy Elf Costume

UglyChristmasSweater.com

Drink a little much at your Christmas party? Let one of Santa’s elves carry you home . Actually, if you wear this to the party, you’ve probably already drank too much.

Flame Thrower

ThrowFlame.com

For the person who has everything: A flame thrower to burn up those items. Yes, there’s no better route to heat up those cold wintertime nights than your own personal flame thrower. It certainly adds a new facet to outdoor grilling. Amazingly, you are legally to purchase flamethrowers under federal law,according to The Fiscal Times. Forty states have no laws against owning the weapon and possession is only a misdemeanor in countries like California where they are restricted.

Modern Nativity

ModernNativity.com

Finally, a nativity scene that reflects the modern world we live in. This “modern nativity” features Joseph and Mary taking a selfie with Baby Jesus while a shepherd posts the magical birth online. Oh, and those three wise men? Now they’re Amazon delivery guys on Segways. Tradition be damned.

Christmas Car Tree

ChristmasCarTree.com

Some people are really into Christmas, so much so they are willing to be driven with a Christmas tree strapped on their vehicle . It actually illuminates up thanks to a plug-in that goes into the cigarette lighter. I just wouldn’t set the presents under this tree. Christmas, so much so they are willing to drive around with a Christmas tree strapped on their car . It actually illuminates up thanks to a plug-in that goes into the cigarette lighter. I only wouldn’t put the presents under this tree.

Greyson Baby Doll

AshtonDrake.com

Parenthood doesn’t have to be alienating. Not with an E.T. dolldesigned to look like one of the gray foreigners that supposedly crashed in Roswell, New Mexico, back in 1947. It’s cute. It’s cuddly. It’s kinda creepy, but not anatomically correct( unless foreigners don’t actually poop ).

Vladimir Putin Scratching Post

Politikats.com/

If Donald Trump can scratch Vladimir Putin’s back, why can’t your cat scratch everywhere else. Yes, all cats will be rushin’ to employ this scratching post of the Russian dictator ,~ ATAGEND even though others would rather scratch his eyes out.

Baby’s 1st Festivus Bodysuit

CafePress.com

Finally, a baby outfit for the rest of us. “Seinfeld” fans are sure to appreciate this stylish “Festivus” outfit for babies . Of course, considering the style they cry, you may not want to them to participate in the feats of strength or broadcast of grievances.

Inflatable Darth Vader

TheGiftsForMen.com

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, a guy named George Lucas decided to let his “Star Wars” characters be merchandised in any way possible. Nearly 40 years later, we have this 16-foot inflatable Darth Vader holding a candy cane. “Luke, I am your cash cow.”

Beard Bib

DrunkMail.com

Some weird gifts are actually weirdly useful, such as the Beard Bib . Hook it to a mirror with suction beaker and it will catch all the facial hair before it gets stuck on the sink. I presume it could also work for vomiting, spittle, last night’s dinner and other things you don’t want in the sink, but that’s a little gross to think about.

Moose Foot Rest

Orvis.com

After a hard day, there is nothing like resting your feet on a moose-shaped Ottoman. And there is probably nothing in your house that matches a moose-shaped Ottoman . Just a warn: If you get this for Christmas, your kids will never let you get rid of it.

Bathroom Golfing Game

Funslurp.com

Practice your putt while you poop?Hopefully you don’t miss either endeavor.

Donut Mug

Fun.com

It’s a “hole” new way of enjoying coffee and donuts. The Donut Mugcomes with a special compartment for the purposes of the mug that holds a reasonably sized donut so you can use your other hand for more important tasks — like picking out another donut. Sadly, technology has not advanced enough to make a donut mug capable of holding a cruller or a bear claw. Science processions on.

Green Cthulhu Ski Mask

Overstock.com

A Cthulhu is a fictional monster created by writer H.P. Lovecraft that has been lovingly crafted into this green ski mask .~ ATAGEND Don’t be surprised if people mistake you for Zoidberg on “Futurama” or if they just stay away from you entirely.

Mini Flame Thrower

TouchOfModern.com

This Mini Flame Thrower is a wonderful gift for aspiring pyromaniac. Don’t worry: The flash paper used in the device burns rapidly — it’s just for magic tricks, people. Don’t use it around the Christmas tree, or in the house, or at the gas station, or pretty much anywhere else.

Giant Mangetic Car Bandage

ThePresentFinder.co.uk

This bandage-shaped magnet is designed to fit over vehicle dents. Of course, it also calls attention to the dents. And if you park your car in a place where there are vehicle thieves who are also fans of weird gifts, you’re likely to be ordering lots of replacement vehicle bandages.

Teeth Cup

Shapeways.com

This cup really bites! But not in a bad way. The Teeth Cup is a standard tea cup except the top is surrounded by molars, bicuspids and canines. It’s sure to bring a smile to the dental hygeinist or creepy goth in your life.

Bouncy Bands

BouncyBands.co

Does your kid have a lot of nervous energy in class? Help him or her relieve some of it with Bouncy Bands . They attach to school desks so that kids can ricochet their feet compulsively while waiting for the buzzer to ring. Plastic subsistence pipes keep the bands from slipping down to the floor. The manufacturer claims this product works quietly but he doesn’t know my kids — or yours!

SneakGuard

SneakGuard.com

Santa knows that sometimes the best gifts are for things you want to hide — like your weed. The SneakGuardis a sinsemilla safe designed to protect marijuana from mold, steal or humidity. You’d have to be a dope not to want one( see how we did that ?).

Toilet Shot Glasses

Fun.com

Drink more than a few shots and your head ends up in the toilet. So why not getting started as well? These toilet-shaped shot glasses are sure to get partygoers flushed with exhilaration.

Crazy Cat Lady Tree Ornament

AlwaysFits.com

Crazy Cat Dames: They’re in your neighborhood, likely in your family and definitely in your hair if you share a laundry room. Now they can be on your Christmas tree with this Crazy Cat Lady Tree Ornament . All the joys of a real Crazy Cat Lady without the swoon smell of feline urine. One tip: If you have a real cat dame visiting your house, put this adornment in the back of the tree only to be safe. You don’t want to offend a crazy cat dame — ever!

Cat Unicorn Shower Curtain

Overstock.com

Some products defy any explanation as to how they were created. Was there a marketing session? “We’re not meeting the needs of people who want to combine cats, unicorns and mermaids, people! ” “Maybe a shower curtain? “ “Jensen, you’re a genius.”

Hand Turkey Statue

Shapeways.com

Hand turkeys are a common art project for school kids, but few of them are as elaborate as this statue that blends a turkey head with a human hand. Or as creepy. Yep, definitely creepy.

Life Preserver Bottle Cover

Overstock.com

Why a life preserver for a bottle of wine? If you have to ask why, you’ll never understand.

Potty Texter

Funslurp.com

Texting in a bathroom isn’t easy. You have to hold the phone with both hands, leaving nothing to hold a glass of wine( or anything else ). The Potty Texterapparently induces it easier to answer nature’s call while answering emails or checking out social media feeds. Just promise me you won’t use this to do a Facebook Live feed, please?

Tactical Kilt

511tactical. com

If you’re in a situation where you’re wearing a kilt, it’s not a bad idea for it to be camouflaged( why call attention to yourself ?). The Tactical Kilt is especially handy because it has pockets and compartments that allow you to hide weapons, the better to protect yourself if people make fun of you.

Fortune Teller Tumbler

UncommonGoods.com

Some people look for happiness in the bottom of a glass. Now you can see the future. The Fortune Teller Tumbler uses the same “technology” of the Magic 8 Ball kids toy to answer life’s most pressing questions. “Am I going to get stupid drunk tonight are seeking to get a decent fortune out of this glass? ” “All signs point to yes.”

Portable Breathalyzer

Alcomate.net

Drinking more during the holidays? The AlcoMate portable breathalyzer can come in handy. However, take it from me: People get awfully competitive when you have a portable breathalyzer: Everyone will try to beat the other person’s score and the only one who wins is the Uber driver.

Balls Deep Fishing Tackle

ballsdeeptackle.com

Know someone who is nuts about fishing? They will certainly appreciate these sinkers shaped exactly like testicles. In fact, they will be hooked line and sinker, maybe in a way that is a little disturbing. Hey, it’s Christmas!

Candy Canes You’re Probably Afraid To Try( With Good Reason)

AlwaysFits.com

Yes, you will probably be sick of peppermint-flavored candy canes by the time Christmas rolls around — unless you try these first. It’s not being vague to say that these alternative candy canestaste just as good as they voice( ick !). Hey, it’s more likely to stimulate bad kids rethink their routes than a clod of coal.

Poop: The Game

BreakingGames.com

Just to be clear: Poop is a game ,~ ATAGEND not actual poop itself. The game necessitates players to get rid of their “poop” cards without clogging the toilet. Surely, there are crappier gifts to get.

Brew Ha Ha! Card Game

UncorkedGames.com

The world can always use more drinking games, but activities like brew pong and quarterss seem like a waste when you’re drinking decent craft beer. Brew Ha Ha !is more like Mad Libs satisfy Cards Against Humanity meet brew. Players pick cards featuring different — and weird — tasting notes. Combine the cards into ridiculous descriptions of each beer. Then once you sampled all the brews, describe each player as if they were a brew. Character assassination never tasted so good.

My Treepod

MyTreePod.com

The Treepod is a combining tent and hammock. It hangs from a tree or from a base you can order separately so that the tent never makes the ground. This could be handy if you’re out in the wild and don’t wishing critters crawling into the tent with you. If you do want critters crawling into the tent with you, I can’t help you there.

Pokemon Cookbook

Viz.com

“Gotta cook ’em all! ” To be honest, The Pokemon Cookbook doesn’t tell you how to cook Pokemon, just how to make food items that look like Pokemon. Kind of bait-and-switch, if you ask me. Meanwhile, I still have to find a Bulbasaur for Christmas dinner.

BeanBoozled

JellyBellycom

In a world where millions of people believe obviously fake news stories( as opposed to cleverly written weird gift guidebooks ), it is more important than ever to teach skepticism to young kids. The BeanBoozledgame does merely that: Half the beans are tasty and the other half are flavors like lawn clippings and dog food. It’s the best way to teach kids things aren’t always what they seem.

Comments are closed.